Resting in Jesus & Waiting for Baby
Have you ever rested in Jesus? Simply rested in His promises and love? When we lost our last baby, that's all we could do. As a couple, we relied on one another to wipe our tears. As believers, we relied on Him to fill our hearts with understanding and gratitude. In those months, our faith grew. Our understanding of how good God is grew. Our love for Him grew.
There were still times of sadness. There were still times where we struggled with wanting our plans to become reality. But, at the end of those days we simply rested in Him.
Then, one Sunday I asked one of our Brothers at Northwood to pray for me to be better at giving it to Him. Thank you, JP Totuszysnki.
That entire week I was restless and felt the need to take a test. Lord, if you know it's going to hurt me just take this feeling away. I'll be okay with not taking one, but help me put this feeling aside. Nope, the feeling just stayed there. I finally caved and took a test.
I called Matthew on his way home from work.
Hey, I need to tell you something, but I don't want you to get excited or anything.
The test was positive. He came home. Examined the little line.
Take one in the morning.
It was still positive the next day. Another baby was on the way.
The first few days there were tears (more on my part than Matthew's) and we began purging anything that was on the studies have shown this increases miscarriages in women list. Bye, sweet tea. Bye, café mocha.
We were able to see my doctor around 6.5 weeks. As I answered the ultrasound tech's questions, I felt more for her than I did for myself.
How many pregnancies? How many children? Oh. . .
She looked at me and her eyes had a sadness that left me with tears welling in my eyes.
When it was time for the ultrasound, we saw the heartbeat. There was the baby. There were the tears rolling down my face. There was Matthew beaming with joy. There was the ultrasound tech with a more relaxed face, but her eyebrows were still just a bit furrowed. She pointed out some areas of concern, but there was still optimism.
We met with my doctor and when I asked her if she was worried all she could tell us was Well, I'm always worried with you, two. But, I'm still optimistic.
We were then given the opportunity to return in two weeks. I shared the news with family and with my women's ministry leader. We prayed and prayed.
At the next appointment, the ultrasound tech shared something that I will keep on repeat during this pregnancy.
Tell me your birthday again? If I hadn't completed your first ultrasound I wouldn't think you were the same woman. This is a picture perfect pregnancy.
Cue the tears once again.
Then our 12 week appointment came. Baby is strong. Baby has a 166 heartbeat. Baby has little legs and little hands. Our baby is still with us.
And, now we wait. We wait for baby to grow strong. We wait for God to show us His plan. We wait to meet this little one. We wait to meet our child who God has chosen just for us.