My Spring Heart


Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.-Psalm 51:3 (New American Standard Bible

I was quite a selfish wife this weekend. My husband got called away to a different state and instead of being content that he was back in one piece I threw my temper tantrum. 

"You don't make me a priority!" 

Mhmm, those words came out of my mouth. Not my finest moment, but it escaped my lips and I held true to them...even though they were terribly full of sin. 

When my tantrum was over, I didn't feel better. I had made my point though. We ended up salvaging our weekend after a few more snide comments on my part. 

Then we dived into some yard work. I wanted to spend quality time together, but I knew that time in our own space was needed. How did we do this while working in the yard together? We grabbed the two loudest machines from our shed and got to work. I mowed the lawn. He pressure washed the house. 

I am now absolutely fascinated with pressure washing. Immediate gratification. I had full control of making something that was absolutely filthy turn into something that looked like a Lowe's ad.  I controlled making it look new. 

It was then time for me to plant some new herbs and vegetables. As I picked up the watering can to splash the plants to life, I rinsed my hands. I let the water run down my hands and watched as the soil rushed off my fingers. Again, immediate gratification. 

Then, God spoke to me. Here I was amazed that I could control making an ugly deck look like new. Here I was elated that my hands were clean.  Here I was with a selfish heart and doing nothing about it. 

God can be a pretty quiet one, right? He can gently nudge you when a push off your high horse is what you really need. 

In that moment, as guilty flooded me and made me feel quite warm even though I was in the spring breeze, I knew I needed a new prayer. I needed to let go of asking for what I think I need every day in my walk with Him. I needed to ask for a new heart. My heart has been heavy lately. Heavy because of my own burdens and not necessarily of those around me. I've been selfish. I've been jealous. I've been negative. I've been after my own heart.

This spring I'm praying for a new heart. A heart set on Him. If I'm right with Him then everything else will fall into place. 

This is my prayer this spring.