Lord, you are my God;
I will exalt you and praise your name,
for in perfect faithfulness
you have done wonderful things,
things planned long ago.
These last few days have been challenging. It still feels as if we are in a haze. In some moments, this entire situation feels so surreal that I think I’ll wake up in bed and see that the clock says it’s 3:30 a.m. Yet, I know it’s real. Reality strikes me when I least expect it. I find an ultrasound in my Bible. I see my internet history and find the baby registry we were starting. I find the pair of booties that we used in our announcement. Little reminders that lead to big feelings.
In it all, we have been held in the hands of our God by being lifted by family, church family and friends. In it all, we have found a new trust in God and his timing. In it all, we are beginning to see that He has taken this loss and turned it into a part of His plan.
This weekend, we received dozens of text messages, Facebook messages and phone calls. Just as a note, we haven’t taken the phone calls because saying certain things aloud hurts too much right now. In those messages we have heard stories of other families’ losses and their stories of hope. We have heard from families who have had 3 miscarriages to 8 miscarriages. We have heard from families who lost babies at 6 weeks and at 6 months. When we heard about our baby losing it’s heart beat. . .we felt our hearts stop. When we hear about these families we consider dear friends, our hearts find that hope again.
In those messages, we have also heard stories about despair. From non-believers to believers, we have received messages about how our story has made a difference. Our story was possible because our baby was given life. Our baby is bringing others closer to God, including our family, and helping others learn about a hope that can shine light on any darkness. Our baby’s life and death is now a part of God’s greater plan to bring others to know his Son. Our baby had a purpose. While we miss our baby, we know our baby is experiencing an eternity with our precious Lord and Savior. While we miss our baby, we know our baby may be bringing others to an eternity with our precious Lord and Savior. This realization doesn’t lessen our hurt, but it does give us comfort in knowing that God’s grace is more real than we ever truly imagined.
So, now, we continue to heal. We continue to pray. We continue to praise Him. We continue to have faith that God has our plan in His hands and our little one has plenty of playmates to stay busy.
In God’s Love,
Ashley & Matthew
P.S. If you would like to ever know more about where we find our hope, please feel free to reach out to us. We would love to sit with you and share the good news.