I have a problem with being wrong. I often don’t express this sentiment beyond my close friends and family, but it’s true. I feel quite inadequate when my timeline goes askew. I tend to throw temper tantrums when that happens.
Not happening my way? Okay! *Insert me throwing a stack of papers in the air and walking away*
That almost happened yesterday morning except it was my license and insurance card that were about to be flung in the air at the doctor’s office. You see, I got some not so great news that I’m going to have to have surgery in a couple of weeks for something that my body just can’t fight on it’s own. What I was planning on happening in 2016 was now thrown totally down the drain (or so that’s what I believed in that moment) and I was done. In that moment that I was done, little did I know that God had three lessons for me before 2015 would come to an end. . .
Stop Doubting & Start Waiting
After leaving closing the door behind me at the office, I walked to my car, sat down in the driver’s seat and speed-dialed Matthew. I was crying. I was gripping the steering wheel with my freehand as soon as I hastily turned down the perfectly timed lyrics WAY FM decided to throw at me:
And when you call and need me near
Sayin’ where’d you go?
Brother I’m right here
And on those days when the sky begins to fall
You’re the blood of my blood
We can get through it all
I cried about my worries. I cried about missing work for a couple of weeks. I cried about having to hit the pause button on starting a family. I cried about the terrible timing of this all. I cried. I barely let Matthew speak until the end when he reminded me that I have a “good doctor” and that “we have a good God. I’ll pray for you. You can pray for yourself. God is good.” As soon as he spoke those words, I realized that in the midst of all of my ugly crying, I forgot to turn to God first. I relied on my doctor and the nurses and even my husband before turning to Him for guidance. After we hung up, I prayed for forgiveness for not relying on the God who formed mountains and calmed the seas and perfectly balances this universe.
A few weeks ago Matthew gave me a reality check. “Ashley, you’re not relying on God. You’re not living by faith.” I now know why God used Matthew to hold me accountable that night. If he hadn’t, then today would have been a lot uglier. I would have wallowed in self-pity for more than that 21 minutes car ride home. I would have spent more than 21 minutes denying that He was in control of my life. I would have spent more than 21 minutes wavering rather than waiting on Him.
Psalm 27:13-14: “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”
Definition of True Love. . .Like the Live-It-Out Christian Family Kind of Love
After I asked for forgiveness for doubting that He was listening, I turned to some Christian friends who have had some knowledge of what’s been going on with me. This is when I was floored.
“What can we do?” “We’re praying, BUT we want to walk through this with you.”
Walk through this with me.
If you haven’t ever had the blessing of having a your brothers and sisters in Christ offer to walk with you through *insert whatever your current trial is*, let me explain how it feels. It’s a perfect mix of elation and humility. For someone to love you as Christ loves us and to be willing to live it out has been one of the most humbling and reassuring thoughts. . .ever. These friends who have offered to clean my home, make us dinner, visit us and most importantly take us to the Lord in prayer are simply putting God first by offering their true love.
Galatians 6:2: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
God is Good. Like really good.
I’m a terrible person. I’ve lied. I’ve cheated. I’ve hated. Yet, God is still so good to me. I have everything I need in Him. Forget the materialistic parts of my life I can often treasure way too much. Forget the accolades I’ve earned throughout my schooling and career. Forget it all. All that matters is that God loves me and that is good enough. It’s actually more than good enough. For the King of Kings to still love me and have His hand in my life is all I need. For Him to concern himself with me. A liar. A cheater. A sinner who at times doubts His strength. . .well, if that doesn’t prove God is so good to us. . .then what would?
Psalm 149:5: “The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.”
God is good all the time. All the time God is good.