I can’t seem to slow down time, but somehow I’m savoring every moment.
2018 has been ridiculously busy, but amazing. We have traveled internationally. I’ve broken a few resolutions, but it’s been worth it. Matthew and I both managed to get sick the same exact week (thankfully it wasn’t the flu), but Aria stayed healthy. We are planning Aria’s first birthday (#FirstTimeParents) and we are watching our baby girl grow up. The clock is ticking away and there’s so much I want to say, but I’ll let the photos share how 2018 has treated us so far.
It’s 2:12 a.m. and I’m rocking my six-month-old to sleep after she woke from some painful teething. I could put her down now that she’s sufficiently drowsy, but I don’t want to at this moment. There have been days when I’ve had to leave her in her crib as she cried while I walked out of her nursery, closed the door and crumpled into a mess of tears and exhaustion. But, tonight is different.
Tonight, I silently celebrated that I have more good days than bad days. Tonight, I held my daughter and thanked God for getting me through the first six months as a mom.
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You are the rose of my heart,
You are the love of my life.
A flower not fading nor falling apart,
If you’re tired, rest your head on my arm.
Rose of my heart.
Aria Beth has been with us for one month. Thirty precious days. Some days have been filled with tears and worry, but most days have been filled with cuddles and 2 a.m. Johnny Cash listening sessions while gliding in our rocker.
It feels as if we have waited for her for lifetimes. In just 30 days those lifetimes have become mere seconds. She has made every heartbreak diminish just a bit. She has made each needle prick and countless minute in waiting rooms worth it. She has made me stare at her in wonder and praise God for making it to 38 weeks.
Cloth diapers are in the first drawer. Blankets are on her ladder. Richard Parker is patiently waiting in her crib. Almost every afternoon, I impatiently sit on her glider.
We just had one big ultrasound and that was going to give us some final answers, but that didn’t happen. So, here we are waiting.
We’re waiting to know how we’ll welcome her into the world. We’re waiting for the best time to place our hospital bag in the car. We’re waiting for the drive to the hospital. We’re waiting for the monitors to get hooked up to my big belly. We’re waiting for the moment the nurse lets us know that it’s time to either push or prep for her arrival. We’re waiting. We’re exactly 7 weeks and 6 days away from her official due date. We know the wait may take a few days less or even a few more. But we’re waiting.
In the middle of this waiting room, I find myself growing agitated with the smallest thoughts. And, nervous. And, I find myself pacing back and forth in my mind. Do we have everything? Are we ready? Is the checklist cleared off? And in the middle of it all, my yearning to finally hold her has driven me to tears. I’m ready for you, A.
Even though it’s been mostly a blink of an eye, it feels like we have been waiting for a lifetime for this precious one. We’ve waited through blood tests. We’ve waited through exams. We’ve waited through ultrasounds where we see her beautiful face. We’ve waited through His moments of silence. We’ve waited through His perfect timing. All I feel like we’ve done is wait.
But through it all we wait to reach the perfect little one who is “more precious than rubies” (Proverbs 3:15). We wait for the moment that we can count her toes and fingers. We wait for the moment daddy can finally hold her. We wait for the moment where we hold our entire world in our hands. The moment that we can dedicate this new life to the Lord.
Oh, precious girl, we’re waiting for you.